Children and failure management: learning to bounce back early
A poor grade in school, a loss in a sports competition, a failed test, or even trouble making friends. From a very young age, children face situations of failure that can undermine their self-confidence.
However, education experts agree that failure is not inevitable. With the right support, it can even be a tremendous learning opportunity. In a world where many parents seek success at any cost for their children, teaching them to accept their mistakes and bounce back has become a major challenge for their well-being and future.
In Beninese families, as elsewhere, failure is often viewed negatively. A child who performs poorly in school is sometimes compared to classmates or siblings. This pressure can lead to feelings of shame, discouragement, and sometimes even a rejection of school. “Failure is an integral part of the learning process.
A child who never makes mistakes is often a child who doesn’t dare to try new things,” notes Racine KODJO, a researcher in language sciences. According to him, mistakes allow the brain to develop new strategies and strengthen adaptability.
History is full of examples of prominent figures who experienced several setbacks before achieving success. Many entrepreneurs, researchers, and elite athletes have had to overcome repeated failures before achieving their goals. These journeys demonstrate that success is often the result of perseverance.
When failure becomes a source of suffering…
Not all children react the same way to failure. Some recover quickly from a bad experience, while others develop an excessive fear of making mistakes. Marie, a mother of two, says that her 11-year-old son refused to take tests after receiving several poor grades in math.
“He used to say he was no good and that he’d never succeed. We had to work with his teacher to help him regain his confidence,” she explains. Indeed, when a child consistently links his or her failure to their own self-worth, the consequences can be significant.
Educator Franck Elvis Ahossin emphasizes that “the danger isn’t failure itself, but the way the child interprets it. If he understands that he failed because he still has more to learn, he’ll make progress. If he thinks he’s incapable, he risks giving up.”
The crucial role of parents and school…
Parents play a crucial role in how a child perceives failure. Experts recommend avoiding phrases such as “You’re letting me down,” “Your brother does better than you,” or “You’re not smart enough.” Instead, it’s advisable to acknowledge the effort made, even when the results aren’t there.
For example, a parent might say, “You worked really hard. Let’s look together at what didn’t work and how we can improve.” This approach helps children understand that making mistakes is a normal part of the learning process. In some classrooms, mistakes are analyzed as a group so that students can understand how they happen and learn how to correct them.
In fact, this approach fosters what psychologists call resilience—that is, the ability to overcome difficulties and move forward. By learning at an early age to view failure as a normal part of life, children develop their self-confidence, independence, and ability to tackle challenges.