DISCIPLINE AT HOME: BETWEEN AUTHORITY AND DIALOGUE
In many Beninese households, the issue of child discipline remains a sensitive topic, oscillating between strict educational traditions and new approaches based on dialogue. Should we punish to correct, or explain to build character? As societal norms evolve, parents and educators are called upon to rethink their methods to strike a balance between authority and kindness.
For a long time, child-rearing in Benin was characterized by strong parental authority, often accompanied by physical or verbal punishment. This approach was based on the belief that “children must obey without question.” But today, this view is being challenged. Social changes, the influence of the media, and access to information have introduced new educational practices that are more focused on listening and understanding.
According to sociologist Maurice ANAGO, “discipline should no longer be perceived as an imposed constraint but as a structuring framework that helps the child develop.” He emphasizes that authority remains necessary but must be legitimate and explained.
Authority or authoritarianism: a line that must not be crossed…
Many parents still confuse authority with authoritarianism. Yet the difference is fundamental. Authority provides reassurance and guidance; authoritarianism imposes rules and can generate fear and frustration. Educational psychologist Aïssatou Hounkpatin explains that “children need clear rules, but they also need to understand the purpose of those rules.”
She adds that a lack of dialogue can lead to rebellious behavior or a loss of trust. Establishing dialogue does not mean abandoning all firmness. Rather, it involves creating a space where the child can express themselves. As recommendations, parents should explain the reasons behind the rules, listen to the child’s emotions, apply nonviolent consequences, and reinforce positive behavior.
For example, instead of systematically punishing a child for poor grades, it is better to talk with them to understand the causes. Similarly, experts recommend prioritizing educational consequences such as temporarily withholding a privilege, making amends for a mistake, or taking time to reflect. The sociologist emphasizes that “the consequence must be meaningful and aimed at fostering the child’s sense of responsibility.”
The dangers of discipline that is too strict or too lax…
Overly strict discipline can lead to constant fear, low self-esteem, and internalized violence in children. Conversely, a lack of rules can lead to indiscipline, a lack of guidance, and social difficulties. To strike this balance, experts advise being consistent with rules, setting a good example, prioritizing communication, and adapting parenting to the child’s age. Consequently, discipline at home must evolve toward a more balanced model, where the child is both guided and respected. After all, parenting is not just about correcting; it is, above all, about providing support.