Children and grief: How to talk about it?

The loss of a loved one is deeply upsetting for anyone, but for children, understanding death is even more challenging. In Africa, where death is sometimes shrouded in silence and taboos, experts recommend a gentle, open, and age-appropriate approach. The death of a parent, grandparent, or even a schoolmate can have a profound impact on a child. According to clinical psychologist Mireille ZANKAN, “Children don’t always understand the finality of loss. They interpret death through the attitudes of adults and the words we use to describe it.” For younger children, grief often manifests as withdrawal, a loss of appetite, sleep disturbances, and a decline in academic motivation. Some children become aggressive, while others become very quiet. When discussing death with a child, experts recommend several approaches. Instead of phrases like “he fell asleep” or “he went on a trip,” say “he died” and “he won’t be coming back.” According to the psychologist, metaphors can cause confusion. Children need to process their emotions, cry, ask questions, and express themselves through drawings. Children notice the discussions, the crying, and the unusual absences. Sociologist Wilfried ADJIBADE explains that funerals are a cultural means of externalizing emotions. Children sometimes participate in them, but within a reassuring setting, as this helps them understand that death is a social process. Some school psychologists organize group expression sessions after the loss of a classmate. Students draw or express a happy memory. This process alleviates anxiety. At a religious school, a teacher asked her students to each write a short farewell message to their deceased classmate. Many were thus able to overcome a latent trauma. According to the specialist, “even a child’s body reacts to grief.” Digestive issues, chronic fatigue, and headaches can be linked to repressed emotions. He recommends follow-up care if symptoms persist beyond three months. Thus, talking to a child about death helps prevent silent trauma.